The reasons to get a girlfriend/boyfriend

Many people don't even know why they want a girlfriend or boyfriend. Are they really fall in love or they just lonely and need to find a partner? 

As an international student, our family, life, best friend all in far far away, sometimes really lonely and really hope someone be with you, supporting you or sharing happiness and sadness with you. So we easy to fall for any guy or girl that we always along with. Many people told me they don't want to get into a relationship because they feel lonely. 

But.....

Why you get into a relationship when you are not lonely?

Just imagine, if you always surrounded by friends and family, your daily schedule always full of fun and excitement and busy. You are rich enough to have the life that you want and you are good looking enough to have many admirers and can get 1 night stand easily. Would you still thinking you want to be in relationship?

For some people maybe "yes", because they can't live without love; but some people will say "no", or "no  unless...... bla...bla..."

Human easy to get lonely, maybe you have wonderful life but every night you back to your house and your room is empty you sure will think "how nice if someone wait for me and warm my bed for me", when you see all your friends have partner you will think "how nice if I have a partner as well..."

So....

It is fine to admit that you want to get into a relationship because you are lonely, because we are lonely then we start to search for love, start with favorable impression to a guy/girl, then slowly discover his or her merit and shortcoming, fall in love, be in relationship,  after that  need time, responsible, and how to accommodate with each other to result a good or bad relationship. 

Sometimes you pay out hard but the result is not what you expected, but if you never pay out anything then you will never get what you want.  

I am back to single again

Already more than 1 year I didn't log in and didn't write me blog. Now I am back because heard 2 songs and I think is kinda fit my situation which is I got dumped.... sounds sad??

No~ No~ No~
I am a strong woman, if people don't love me then I love myself. If people don't want me, I accept myself. So I won't unhappy and cry day to night.
Ok~ stop bullshitting~

This 2 songs are Chinese song and I will post the lyric that described my situation:

When the moment I got dump......(coloured words part is my heart feeling)

那英 

梦一场

作词：袁惟仁
作曲：袁惟仁

我们都曾经寂寞而给对方承诺　我们都因为折磨而厌倦了生活
只是这样的日子　同样的方式　还要多久
我们改变了态度而接纳了对方　我们委屈了自己成全谁的梦想
只是这样的日子　还剩下多少　已不重要

时常想起过去的温存　它让我在夜里不会冷
你说一个人的美丽是认真　两个人能在一起是缘份

早知道是这样　像梦一场　我才不会把爱都放在同一个地方
我能原谅　你的荒唐　荒唐的是我没有办法遗忘
早知道是这样　如梦一场　我又何必把泪都锁在自己的眼眶
让你去疯　让你去狂　让你在没有我的地方坚强
让我在没有你的地方疗伤

When I think about him..... (again coloured words is my heart feeling)

爱情

歌手：莫文蔚

若不是因为爱着你

怎么会夜深还没睡意

每个念头都关於你

我想你 想你 好想你

若不是因为爱着你

怎会有不安的情绪

每个莫名的日子里

我想你 想你 好想你

爱是折磨人的东西

却又舍不得这样放弃

不停揣测你的心里

可有我姓名

若不是因为爱着你

怎会不经意就叹息

有种不完整的心情

爱你 爱你 爱着你

爱是折磨人的东西

却又舍不得这样放弃

不停揣测你的心里

可有我姓名

爱是我唯一的祕密

让人心碎却又着迷

无论是用什么言语

只会 只会 思念你

若不是因为爱着你

怎会不经意就叹息

有种不完整的心情

爱你　爱你 爱着你 

Satisfied or Unsatisfied?

Rested so many months without managing my blog. 

Now is time for me to come to blogging again...

This year I come back to my home, I already no more crying like last year because I have learn how to ignore, how to don't care others and live the way I want.

But......

I still can't ignore all...

Sometimes I really don't understand why people never satisfied their life.

Some girl got everything they have but they never feel enough and keep complaining they have tough life.

A girl I knew, she has a good husband, good family and good life but she never happy with that and she think she has the toughest life than every other girls.

Why I said she has a good husband?

Because when she still a student, her husband's family pay her school fees and sent her to college to get higher education. When she getting married, her husband's mother bought a house for her, after that her mother in law even pass the business to her and help her work everyday without asking any salary or complaining anything. She go shopping everyday, she don't know how to manage the business but still get all the income from the business. Her husband give all the properties to her and always not allowed others say anything bad about his wife. 

Why I said she has a good family?

She is not originally from a rich family or I should say she is from a poor family, but her husband is from a good family (not very rich but still ok).

She has 4 kids, but she don't even know how to change the diaper for her children because her husband's mother hire maid for her. When she married into this family, she never take care children, never wash, never clean the house.

Why I said she has a good life?

Because she almost everyday shopping. She wears branded shirt, shoe, pants, hair pin and even underwear. She never wear cheapskate thing. Even her children milk powder and diaper she will choose the most expensive 1. She always owned the latest phone. She never cook and never eat left over food. Her husband will bring her to travel every year.

Do you think she has a good life?

I think yes, but she never ever satisfied.......

-to be continue-

I am destroyed~!

Failed my semester test again.... What I going to do?
My confident keep destroying me by stupid science paper, I got study but I really didn't expect that I got such a low marks.

I really don't know what to do, I am feeling like I am wasting my mum's money and I am destroying her hope. I am so stressed now, I really don't know what to do. I not get use to complaint to people or cry in front of people, because I don't like people see my weakness.

Now I am really confused what am I doing now and I don't know what I going to do in future. I am just like getting lost in a big forest with fog, I can't find my way out. People can get A+ for that subject, but why I can't even pass? I never ask for A, I just want to pass.

I feel like I am really useless..... I am useless because I wasted my parents money, I am useless because I can't even pass my paper. I am so lost now and I really don't know what can I do and what I should do? My confidences and hope is taken away bit by bit every single day. I am so angry to myself, why I am lazy, why I don't want to choose what I like to study, and why I am so stupid.

I have no energy to continue any more.....

Before you concern about others, please think of yourself.

Today saw a post on FB. The Topic is this:

what do you think.....
One day, a son just came back from outside, an injured father ask the son,

Father : Can you go out and buy me something to eat? I am hungry...

Son walked to the father with a pair of socks..(which took out from his feet)

Son : nah.... eat this.... ( waving the pair of socks in front of his father)

Many people have commented on this which included me. Someone has commented said that maybe he is a jerk dad or something. A girl commented that "no matters what your parent did to you only can walk away but you can't fight back, because they are you parent."

When I saw her comment I only can shake my head. I know this girl very very well and I know what she done to her parents. Last time she made her dad got heart attack and went into hospital. After that, blame her dad for her failure marriage. After her dad pass away, she started to push all the blame to her mum. Blame her mum not giving her love, blame her mum only care about her sister and brother. Blame the whole house.... blame this... blame that....
but....
She never blame to her friends.....

She got everything since she was born, she drove BMW to school. She wore CK, DKNY during high school. Her dad and mum bought her everything, because of her ex-hubby she gave up everything that her family gave her and follow the moron. She cheated her family for this moron again and again. Her parents is so upset about that and gave up the hope on her.

She is the one who ruined everything by her own hands, but she never admit that she was wrong. She pushed all the blame to her parents and started be rude to them. She sympathy to others and can talk so logically but the problem is she never knew that she have done the same thing to her parents.

If you want to talk others bad things or sympathy for others, please please and please think twice. Maybe you have done the same thing before but you never realise. And.... be good to your parents, once they are gone means forever they will be gone.

I am not an Innocent SJB~

It is already 3 weeks together with Mr.B.
The conversation between me and him become boring day by day. Everyday he just called me ask me all the daily life stuff. 3 weeks we never talk any dirty talk at all. This is not normal right? I mean we not 15 or 16 years old. This is not puppy love.

We got Skype with each other, every  time I gave him a seductive smile, he got no feeling at all. WTF~! Is he gay or too naive? Every time I gave a seductive smile to any guy I Skype they sure start dirty conversation with me. He is really different.

Yesterday, I finally can't stand any more. I text him and I want to light his fire. But... I failed....
WTF~!!!

This is how I start the Conversation: 
Me: Are you a good kisser?
He: I don't know, Why?
Me: I am just wondering. Are you?
He: I really don't know, when we kiss you tell me ok?
(I thought the some love conversation can move on...... but.............)

He: Why you suddenly ask this kinda question?
Me: -_-" ........ I want to know....
He: Next time we together, we can kiss each other, hug each other and sleep together. (oh yeah~ he took the bait)

Me: You mean which kinda sleep? 
He: Just sleep, why? 
(I was like FCK you, are you idiot or "kayu"? A girl start this kinda conversation, they don't want you to keep asking why and why and why.......)

end up.... it is obviously he didn't took the bait. And he is a stupid idiot keep asking why..... I was so speechless...
Then I have to pretend that I am drunk, so I talk this kinda of things.

I am not that kinda of acting innocent, pure girl but inside is fucking slut and bitch. I am a very open minded girl, I can talk dirty stuff, but it doesn't mean that I am slut or bitch. I know a lots of Malaysian Chinese like that kinda innocent girl. ( I just want to slap all guys and said that can't you see they are just a bitch that act innocent).

I really don't know how long I still can stand for this. I started to feel frustrated, annoyed and bored with his childish puppy naive kinda conversation.
But... I really don't want the relationship end so quickly, I want to try, and work hard to maintain this relationship, but I really don't know how long I can stand for it.

Hot Hot Demonstrator

New Semester, New Lab, New Life and New Demonstrator.

I got a lab and the lab demonstrator's body is so damn hot. He is a leader of a surf club, so you can imagine how his body. He is very good in science, he explain things in simple and very useful way. Unfortunately, he is not very handsome.

My semester test is coming soon, the lecture throw a revision tutorial. He was teaching the tutorial today. I went into class with my friend. At first I was concentrating what he is teaching, but I end up looking at his body shape and day dreaming.

Now is winter, even a jersey can't cover his muscular body shape. He has wide shoulder, strong muscular arm, triangle body shape, sexy butt. I can bet that he sure got 6 packs. OMG, he look yummy and I sound horny.

But.... he actually is a very nice person, he always smile and he will explain the thing repeat and repeat until you understand. Tomorrow I will have the lab, hope he is there and benefit my eyes....