Depressed

I am so stressed and going to die soon... I am so regret why I choose this subject, I knew this subject will not suit me at all and I am so stupid go and choose it.

I almost study everyday but nothing get into my mind. At first I thought I only need to pass then will be fine. Now I am concerned about that, because I don't think I can pass. I am totally blur during all lectures and what none of the thing get into my mind.

A really bad news came 2 days ago, this paper I took have a selection on year 2. That means I not only need to pass and I need to compete with others to get into year 2? Holy Shit~ I not gonna make it. I am very sure I will not be selected to year 2.

I not dare to tell my mum about it but I know I need to tell her sooner or later. Now I feel want to cry, but don't know why I can't cry. Maybe too stressed?

I started to run away from problem, started to miss home, because I have a bad habit, every time I started to stressed out and a lots of problem comes toward me, I will run away from it. I really scared my habit will destroy my future.

There is no other way for me to go... I need to go for it, die for it and next year you'll see what hell will happen on me~