My Morality Value

Tomorrow have a test about the short story we read on this whole year. So I went to an extra class from other teacher to get some information.

There is a story about the children of a farmer not willing to take over the farm and all move to city to find their live. The farmer only wish is just wish his children will come back to with him. My teacher also told us that people no only steal your money, but the money has been stolen will get back. People also will steal your reputation, your pride and everything which is hard to get back, because your behaviour make you lost it.

but....

Did I done something wrong or my behaviour and attitude has a big problem? Why everybody stole my reputation and my pride. Is it really my fault? I don't know...... My reputation already gone from many years ago, I lost it myself because my attitude when I was primary school. I want to take it back, but nobody have give me any chance. I can't even speak out, because nobody will believe me anymore.

I started to close my heart because I don't want to get hurt, but I realised I came here I open my heart so I become very weak now. I cry for little things, I cry for people hurting me. I don't like the way I am now. Everyday I hate myself more and more, hate myself why become so weak. Why easy to get bully? Why so care about people talking about me?

So... I plan to stay in New Zealand after I graduate. I know my mum will want me to go back to Malaysia, I can feel it. But I already disappointed with my family. I feel so upset because none of them are supporting me. Although I already know since I came here but I am calm not mean that I am not hurt.

I don't want to go back because I don't to to face them and I still need to pretend I am happy to see them. I am tired of acting, especially in front of the family. I know many things, maybe I should say too many. Sometimes I wish I didn't know anything just like my brother.

2 more months I will go back to Malaysia. My feeling is complicated, sometimes I am homesick feel want to go back to meet my mother and friends. Sometimes I am unsecured because I don't know what gossip will come out again.

If every year my mum and SJB can come New Zealand to visit me, then I no need to go back anymore. I having a very peaceful life now and I really hate to see my brother, my sister, my relatives, and all the Bantingish's clown face.

I just want to say:

I HATE YOU ALL FOREVER, I WILL NOT FORGIVE AND FORGET WHAT YOU ALL HAVE DONE TO ME TILL I DIE~!